Ever have a parent tell you to “Do as I say, not as I do?” Whenever this admonition is used, it’s usually because the person telling you this, was about to do or say something they didn’t want you to learn how to do. When it comes from a parent, we can get behind that command, right?
The thing about “do as I say, not as I do” is that a person doesn’t even have to come right out and actually say that — lots of times, they convey that sentiment through their actions and we’re left to conclude that it was their flagrant intention all along.
Isn’t it galling when another person speaks and acts in a manner contrary to their own values or actions? Politicians are infamous for doing this, as it’s an integral component of authority — not only is their power derived from “Do as I say, not as I do,” but more often than not, they leave out…and “Do as I say… although I have never done it.” In other words, they make rules and pass laws that affect other people, despite the fact they have no real experience with it themselves.
When it comes to bosses who use the “do as I say, not as I do” management style, it can be especially frustrating watching them do as they please, while forbidding their staff from enjoying the same latitude.
But what about the person who wants love, but never shows love? Or the friend who demands your respect, but gives you none in return?
For some people in this world, they expect (read: demand) love, respect, forgiveness, friendship, trust…yet they themselves are incapable of living any of these traits themselves — they want it, but can’t give it.
I know a man who is thoroughly horrid on so many levels. He’s crude, mean-spirited, negative, cold and just plain miserable. This ‘friend’ is the first to snap at you, thinks nothing of offending you and doesn’t hesitate to dis-respect you. Sadly, he’s a hypocrite who expects that everyone be nice to him — if you snap back at him, he becomes sullen. If your smile isn’t warm enough for him, he’s quick to call you out on it.
Sadly, many people we encounter in life take far more than they give. So what do we do when others expect more from us than they themselves are willing to give? The answer is to always hold true to your core values.
In order to be positive and uplifting people, we have to hold love, compassion, respect, gratitude and kindness as treasured parts of our being — they must be integral traits and emotions of our very existence. Of course, that is not to say we should accept overt abuse — that is never okay. However, even if someone is rude to us, we need not respond in kind. If another person dis-respects us, we don’t have to like it, but we certainly don’t have to sink to their level.
When you meet a “do as I say, not as I do” type person, keep in mind that people who live by that motto are often insecure and scared — if anything, have compassion for them, because they’re clearly on the wrong path in life.
But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.
– Matthew 5:39