Did you know that you can literally transform your life for the better, simply by being a more forgiving person — and that goes for forgiving others and yourself. Having a forgiving and generous spirit is one of the simplest ways to live life happy.
For this healing and liberating transformation to work, you’ll need to be willing to set yourself free from the toxic feelings of anger, guilt, jealousy and bitterness.
Most of us are prone to harboring anger and resentment about other people who we feel have wronged us, but we also tend to harbor those negative feelings about ourselves — regrets we have or anger at decisions we’ve made (or didn’t make). While this may seem natural, it’s anything but, because anger and bitterness are toxic to our mental and physical health.
I want to share a healing exercise that will help you on your journey to letting go of anger and bitterness that are draining your life-energy and trapping you in a web of negativity.
So that we can be more positive, focused and free of negative energy, forgiveness must be embraced as a personal policy. One easy, yet very useful tool to help us in that endeavor, is to write letters of forgiveness — to yourself, and to other people who you may feel have wronged you.
Before I continue, actually telling another person that you forgive them is always best, but if you’re not ready to do that, you can write a forgiveness letter to them (even if you don’t end up mailing it). The same goes for yourself — only in the case of self-forgiveness, sometimes writing a forgiveness letter is more effective.
Before you start, here are some suggestions to consider:
- Whether to yourself or to another person, approach the forgiveness letter from a place of love and compassion — the goal is to let go of any hate, anger or sadness, so just let it flow out of you and in its place, let forgiveness fill your heart.
- If the forgiveness letter is to yourself, imagine that you’re actually writing it to a close friend or family member and grant yourself the same release and compassion you’d give them.
- Before you begin the letter, focus on what you need to accomplish — if you’ve been beating yourself up over something, really get in touch with those feelings and settle on what it is you’re forgiving, why and how holding a grudge/self-loathing has affected you, etc.
- Avoid using any angry words toward the other person or yourself. While you’ll need to address the issues, re-hashing the problems isn’t going to help, since this isn’t meant to be a venting letter, so again, just let it all go.
- When writing the letter, try to do it when you have sufficient time and a quiet space to do so.
- Write as many drafts as you need; there’s no need to get it perfect the first time (if at all), so don’t pressure yourself.
Only you can write the forgiveness letter, as it needs to come from deep within you, but this is an example of how one might flow when writing it to yourself:
Dear _________(“self” or use your name)
I want you to know that despite all your faults, I love you. No one is perfect, and I need to remember that throughout my life.
I’ve made so many mistakes, I’ve lost count. But through it all, I’ve tried — tried to be a good person, tried to be fair and tried to always be loving and generous.
I’m sorry for calling you stupid, lazy, worthless and ugly — you are none of those things and you never have been.
I apologize for putting too much pressure on you and I’m sorry for not cutting you some slack when you really needed it…………
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” – Lewis B. Smedes